Confessions of A Serial Dater

So, I am getting to the point in the relationship with "J" that I always feel the worst about. It's the point in the relationship where I know things aren't going to work out, but he "more than likes me; he really likes me." I only feel bad because I have a heart (just so you know that I do. Some people think I'm lying when I say that).

Here is the story of his downfall. We were sitting in my living room last night watching Ellen DeGeneres (who rocks), and I am laughing at almost everything that comes out of her mouth. I mean shit, she was talking about how some people can't joke anymore. You tell a story about how your dog just died, and the person you are telling says, "You're kidding?" and then you're left like, "No. As Funny as that is, though." I mean how can you not laugh at that? Am I that easily amused? Anyway, he barely laughed at all, but when we watch some shit about Ali G (the movie - not the HBO series that is funny), he thinks its tear-jerking-ly funny. Is it really that funny? I mean, that funny? Is this hypocritical? We then watched 50 First Dates. Near the end of the movie he blurts, "This doesn't happen. People with memory problems can't have a dream about someone and then paint what they look like."
Ok Smart One, but Batman is a totally logical story line right? I mean you can totally take Super Heros seriously. I'm not going to lie, I like Batman, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, I believe painting someone from a dream over flying and train stopping. Am I right or am I right. Don't answer. I already know.

He's one of those guys who leaves your house and sends you a message 5 minutes later confessing how much he likes you and how much fun he had--sitting on your couch, watching movies, and making stupid comments. It's not every once in a while that he'll do this. Oh no. It's everytime he leaves. Every. Single. Time. So then, you expect it. It's not cute like it was the first time. It's even stressful. You find yourself looking into the future (not too deep though, cuz its not going to last), and wondering, "What does it mean when he doesn't send a message 5 minutes after he's left?" It's lame. I know. But stressful none-the-less.

These guys are the hardest to break up with. You sit there staring at him with his heart on his sleeve, and you can't seem to get up the nerve to rip his heart out and drop kick it. Do you really care about him enough to care about his feelings? Is your heart floating in a thick pool of black tar? "NO!" you tell yourself. There must be a better way, right? So you let him think he's breaking it off with you. You go all "How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days" on him and drive him crazy. But who wants to look like a psycho? So you change your mind. Second guessing always kicks your ass in these situations.

Why is it so hard to say, "Look Buddy, it's just not going to work. You and me, yeah, we're on two different levels. No, Not because you are 6'6" and I'm 5'2". You like me way more than I like you. Us staying together may cause mental illness. You drive me up a wall. I know you to a T. You like me. You tell me so every morning and every time you leave my house. You tell me that we balance each other out. That's not true. I'm not balanced. I am totally wobbling back and forth here. Good look on your jumpy-thingy though."

WHY IS THAT SO HARD?

Update later.

I'm sorry--I'm not always chipper

I lay in bed in the morning trying to convince myself to just get up. I spend more time doing this than actually getting something done. I wonder everyday what it would be like to lead a simple life. Though it seems simple in itself, it’s not that way in my head. In my head I lead a hard life. One no one would want to pursue. You look at me and think, “She’s happy,” or “She knows what she is doing,” but I don’t. I don’t know where I’m going. I feel as though I am traveling down a beaten path. It’s hard to figure out which way is right. Which way is right? I find myself thinking about this often. More times than anyone could possibly imagine. Self pity, you’re wondering? It could be that. In fact, it probably is.
My composition professor wants me to write an essay over who has changed my life the most. Is it awful that I can’t think of one? Is that selfish? I wish someone could change my life, at least a little. Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror and think Lost Cause. Other times, I see a bright future. I see myself doing everything I want to do. Though, when it comes down to it, my dreams are the hardest to take hold of. They are the hardest for me to accomplish. Being with my friends and drinking the night away is so easy. Why are the wrong things so easy to do? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I picture an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. Cliché isn’t it? The good voice if often the one I turn away from. Maybe it’s the easy way out. I sell myself short.
People have told me that they wish they could be me; Happy all the time; No worries. I wish deep down that I could say that I was the person everyone saw, but I only speak the truth. I often wonder why I am in the position that I am in. I have been in self denial for entirely too long. I have always figured that my life would just fall into place. Now, I see that I am running out of time. Some may laugh at that, but at the same time, those people who laugh are the ones telling me that life is short. I hope it isn’t too short.
I want to get my life together. I want to walk a straight line and be the person that I know I can be, but why can’t I do it? Why is it so hard? I need someone to slap me in the face and say, “This way Brittany. You took the wrong exit. Turn around and go the other way!” Maybe I am the one that will have to do it. I can’t rely on someone else to pave the roads of my life for me. It’s ridiculous to even think such a thing.

I admitt it--I have a problem

Serial dating is my problem. As bad as this is going to sound, I can't help it. I have dated three guys in the past month:

"M" from Norman:
Age:23
Hotness: 8 on a 10 scale
Reason for dumping him: He was a dumbass. I've met 12 year olds that act older than him.

"C" from Moore:
Age: 20
Hotness: 8 on a 10 scale
Reason for dumping him: He, too, was a dumbass. Plus, I was only his girlfriend because he asked me when I was drunk. That's not even fair. Right? I didn't even feel like a girlfriend when I dated him. I never saw him. It was stupid. I'm not going to have a boyfriend that I can't see. That's just a waste of his hottness. Besides, he didn't have a car and he was kind of odd.

"J" from Norman
Age: 21 on Dec 9
Hotness: 8 or 9...haven't decided
Reason for dumping him: I haven't yet. He's cool.


Like I said, I can't help it that I keep dating one right after another. It's not my fault I'm on a roll and they are seemingly flocking to me like birds flying South for the winter. I have nothing to do with this other than the fact that I start liking them back. I also can't help the fact that they do something stupid to mess it all up for themselves. I didn't make up the rules for dating, though I probably should, because it seems like I am the boy in every relationship.

When I was dating Matt, we were sitting at his house and he got up to order some food. He came back and said, "I got you something," I said, "Oh yeah? What'd you get?" He said, "A heart."

Yeah, I can't lie. That's funny, but he was always telling me that he couldn't figure me out. I always told him that I liked it that way. He took that as me not caring about him. OK, he was right. But why would you want to be figured out by someone you aren't sure if you like "like that"?

Anyway, I've got to cut this out. It's probably because I always meet another boy when I'm dating the other, and they make it easy to transition. God, I sound awful.

I'm done. BYE.

Pay your tickets on time

I was driving on the highway last month in a hurry to pick up my little sister from school. I'm going at least 20 over when a stupid cop pulled out from behind an effing wall to pull me over. He gave me a speeding ticket, but out of the "kindness of his heart" he dropped it down to 10 over so that it wouldn't go on my record. The ticket was due on Oct. 28th.

Guess who forgot to pay her ticket and/or go to court? That would be me.

A letter comes in the mail informing me that I now have a bench warrant out for my arrest. YAY. Though this made me feel a little like a rebel, I worried because my dad told me that they could come and arrest me at any time. I contemplated how I would handle this situation in my head. I pictured myself pretending to faint, or throwing up. Could they take me away then?

I also pictured myself in a jail cell. I'm 100% sure that I wouldn't last 24 hours before someone making me her bitch. I couldn't take up for myself against the Gangster Bitches of Oklahoma ( cause that's what they call themselves...).

I called the court house the other day and they told me to be in court by 1:00 on the 10th of November. I get there early thinking that the earlier I get there the earlier he will call me up to bitch me out, tell me how much I owe, and send me on my way. No. Not the case. It seemed like it went backwards. They later you got there the faster you got to get the hell out. Anyway, I get there at 12:10 with my Mom and my Mema in tow. My mom was carrying a leather folder for reasons unknowing. We get ourselves seated and then my mom and Mema start cracking jokes.

By jokes I mean they are the only ones who thought it was funny, and they are being rather loud. I'm over on my side of the bench nearly throwing up because of nerves, and my mom and mema are over there making fun of the smell or something. My Mema asks me if I want her to pray for me, she says this through tears of laughter and tells me she will get on her knees and say, "Praise Jesus," whenever the Judge calls me up. I begin to laugh, cause well, that would be pretty damn funny. I probably shouldn't have said damn after saying Jesus in the last sentence. I repent.

My mom then begins to tell me exactly what I need to say to the Judge. She says, "Tell him you are sorry, and can he take off the failure to appear cost? Don't forget to say your sorry, and take this paper up there with a pen just In case you need to write anything. And say sorry."

Finally Mr. Judge man calls me up and dismisses the failure to appear cost, and tells me that I have until Jan.11 to pay up. When we get outside the courtroom my mom asks me what he said, and I couldn't tell her because I was so nervous up there that I forgot everything he said to me. So, I just handed her the papers he handed me and let her figure it out with the clerk lady whoever behind the glass.

Not to mention, I was wearing a long ass denim skirt with my hair curled under in a half pony tail. I'm pretty sure I looked like one of those ladies whose religion permits them to only wear skirts. Do you know who I'm talking about? I barely wore make-up, either. I was going for innocence. I think it worked.

Creepy Boy, My Stupid Mouth, and Boyfriend

Yes. That is a paper bag hat. It says, "Get Bent!"


If you know me, you know I have an abnormaly high record for getting all the weird ass boys. This last boy might have stolen the gold. I stopped talking to him because he acted like a five year old--on a good day. The rest of the time he could have been put in a play pen with a 3 year old and gotten along just fine. After I told him that I didn't want to talk to him anymore and that "no part of me wanted to be nice to him," he called me like 20 times and kept sending me text messages. Yesterday I got an email from him that basically said that I'm a bitch and I think I am better than everyone else. He said that I should be nice and optimistic because that will get me far in life. Oh, and he said that "everyone is just human."

So, I started thinking about everything he had to say and came up with this:

I am a bitch. I am a stubborn little bitchy brat. That's something I can't help--well--yes I can, but I don't want to. I'm bitchy in a funny-you-wont-hate-me-for-it way, though. I'm not, like, mean to people--on an hourly basis. And he's right, I do think I am better than some people, but not everyone. I really should be nice and optimistic because, yes, it will get me far in life. Oh, and everyone is just human. That was a great observation. No, seriously. Someone needs to let the world know.

I responded back to him in a manner that if I were him I would probably hate me. It was fun. I basically thanked him for taking time out of his busy day just to email me, and that I'm thrilled to know he is obviously still thinking about me. He then told me to stop talking to him. So then I told him "No, you stop talking to me." Haha. It was fun. His last e-mail just said the word "bitch."

Luckily, while I was "dating" him I was kind of dating another boy named Cleve ( laugh it up. his middle name is Dwayne.) who is now my boyfriend. Yeah, I need to explain. Last night was 30 pack of Keystone fun filled night. Cleve was there enjoying the same fun as I was. We got to talking and some how, some way we decided that we should just be boyfriend and girlfriend. My stupid mouth. Stupid stupid mouth. I woke up this morning to a "Good morning, Girlfriend." Stupid FUCKING mouth.

As my Mom says, "Well that just seals his fate."

Ahh life. It is sweet.

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