Swear to God this is a Mushroom

"Pink Stinkhorn"

I did a purely innocent google search for "pink" images, and this popped up (no pun intended). I did not alter this image; but I was suspicious that someone else may have. So, I did a search for "Stinkhorn" and here is what I found:

"There's no polite way of saying it: stinkhorns are gross, and they stink so strongly you usually smell them before you see them. These distinctive mushrooms have a single, unbranched, erect stalk, sometimes gaudily colored, leading to Linnaeus aptly placing them in a genus he called Phallus (which has since been split into additional unsavory genera). The stalk is slimy, especially toward the tip, where the spores are concentrated."

Surfing the web can be so educational! If you care to check my sources, or are just plain distrustful, you can follow the link below.

http://www.wildmanstevebrill.com/Mushrooms.Folder/Stinkhorns.html#Anchor-General-49575

Seriously?

It's inevitable. Every single time I turn on the radio I have to hear her sing. It never fails.

It's like a blatant reminder to me each and every time I hear the 15 year old singer, that a mini-diva has more experience than me when it comes to love.

No, really, it's a slap in the face.

Jojo gets on my nerves worse than anyone's foot touching me, and those of you who know me should know that I really hate feet.



You shouldn't scowl like that, honey. My mema says if you do that too much
it will become permanent. Not that you can't afford Botox. Bia.


I finally listened to a song of hers all the way through the other day. The only reason I did was because my friend Summer wanted to torture me. She knows I greatly dislike Jojo.

Whose to say she won't go Britney/Christina on us within the next year anyway? I choose to almost-hate her before she French kisses Madonna.

So anyway, I listened to her song all the way through and realized, what in the hell (sorry) does this little kid know about love? Listening to this song was like taking dating advice from my baby sister (who I love very much. congrats on 1st place babe!).

Not to mention the fact that, because she is 15 and she is singing, " I wanted you right here with me, but I have no choice, you've gotta leave, because my heart is breaking," just goes to show that the Life-size-Pop-Culture-Teen-Diva-Barbie Doll can't even write her own lyrics. Her songs might get on my nerves less if it were obvious that she wrote them. Then again, if it was up to her she might end up singing about split-ends and Barney.

Furthermore, I think a girl her age singing break-up songs and love ballads is giving young ladies the wrong impression of what life is like when you're in junior high. I mean, my friends and I had a new boyfriend evey week when we were young. I'm pretty darn sure I never let a boy make me cry. And I know for a fact that no boy has made my sister want to write songs about being cheated on, because she used to wrestle. She would wreak havoc on any boy who made her a tad bit sad. Right Alex with an "I" and not an "E?"

The End.

College football - A girl's point of view

I love OU football, but I am not a fanatic. I’m not. And those of you who have watched an OU football game with me, shut up.

Being vocal during games does not constitute fanaticism, and I try really hard not to curse at the TV if there are young children around. It’s no big deal that we make everyone present, including the dog (who knows the drill), tap the OU helmet that sits on the coffee table for luck. Everyone would do that if they had a real helmet on hand for games.

In fact, it seems to be crucial to the Sooners that we enforce this tradition. Two weeks ago when OU was playing Texas A&M, Brit called during the second quarter to have me tap the helmet for her; to my horror I realized I didn’t have the helmet out. OU was struggling a little, but as soon as the helmet was tapped by all, and in its rightful place, the Sooners started clicking. Of course, during that particular game it also seemed to help if I left the room during offensive downs and Tona left the room for defensive downs. This caused some tense moments when Tona was on a bathroom break and the offense was getting ready to take the field. She had to do her own version of a “hurry up offense” to get back in the living room on time. These superstitions can get tricky after a while.

Speaking of the A&M game, when Adrian Peterson was putting his shoulder pads back on so he could go back in the game after popping his dislocated shoulder back in place (picture Mel Gibson in the Lethal Weapon series), I had to stifle a small gasp of pleasure. Get thee behind me satan - I sure hope my baptist upbringing was wrong about thoughts being as bad as sin itself!

A word about the Lucky helmet: it is technically Brit’s. She received it as a gift during a fraternity party a couple of years ago – her father has never been more proud. However, she didn’t get to take it with her when she moved out; it is a big responsibility to guard the lucky helmet. God knows what might befall it if we sent it off to Brit’s apartment without adult supervision. Brit can take care of herself, but that helmet is helpless against potential molesters.

Anyway, the Sooners have a week off before the Big IV Championship. This is good, because Thanksgiving weekend is always devoted to wrestling in our family – the Oklahoma Open is held the weekend after Thanksgiving. They let the boys weigh-in Thanksgiving morning so they can eat their holiday meal which relieves me of having to go through the guilt of watching Lance go hungry while I chow down. If you are interested in Oklahoma Wrestling, here is a good link for you to visit: http://www.okwrestle.com . It covers Jr. High, High School and College wrestling. The forum is pretty lame, but the ranking pages and results information is usually good.


We miss you Dusty! Get some counseling, and come back for another year.
Dan Cody - testosterone is a good thing!

The Truth about the Truth

A few things you should know about Brittany Jonn (hereafter referred to as Brit or B - because that is what we call her).

Brit comes from a long line of outspoken, independent women. I have often thought that had we been born in the 1600's during the Salem Witch Trials we might all have been burned at the stake! No we are not real witches - I don't want to start any rumors. Well, I do have mean thoughts from time-to-time that could be construed as curses, but I have no (real) evidence that those thoughts have any bearing on reality. : )

Anyway, while I am outspoken, and even a little blunt, I curb that trait with what I like to think of as excellent diplomacy skills. Brit, on the other hand, will just plain tell you the truth. You know the little voice inside your head that makes you tell a "white lie" to friend who has asked for your opinion? Brit doesn't have that voice talking to her. You want her opinion? You get a straight answer. Asked and Answered. It's as simple as that.

Over lunch at Mid-Del Taco, our favorite hole in the wall, having been regaled with another "Brit story" (they are plentiful and usually pretty damn funny) Tona and I suggested Brit start a website called "the brutal truth." I guess this blog is the next best thing. So, I encourage any readers who are looking for a little honesty to talk to Brit. But be ready - While she is not mean spirited, the truth often stings a little.


B and T

By the way, if you can tell me how to resize these pictures to more manageable scales, let me know.

Are these made in Oklahoma?

Sometimes, Mama T and Auntie T send me really neat pictures of boys with really pretty bodies that I want to stare at for hours. If you are a boy, and you look like those boys or better you WILL marry me. Thanks, love you.

Bad Job and Laguna Beach is Dumb

This whole Job thing, yeah, it's kind of making me mad.

I realize that most of my shifts are going to be based on whether or not they need me, but this is just getting ridiculous. I only have 2 real shifts (as opposed to fake ones) this week. This makes me feel anger in my soul.

Those who know me may be asking themselves, "Why is Brittany pissed that she isn't getting to work? She doesn't even like to work. She barely ever does work, and when she does it's half-ass and doesn't really even count for work in the first place."

Trust the fact that I did ask my self that very same question.

I would like Brittany is pissed about her job for 500, please.

What is, I need money, I want money, and I am willing to work at a flipping lingerie store full of girls, and I don't even really like girls that much, just to earn needed amounts of wanted money.


n

On a lighter note. I was watching that show on MTV yesterday called Laguna Beach the real OC, and my I.Q. seriously plunged to an all time low.

Is it real?

Are these frickin' filthy rich teenagers with overly-dramatic lives seriously being serious?

Dear Kristin and LC,
I have come to realize that Stephen is Half and Half. Sometimes he is your boyfriend Kristin, and sometimes he is yours, LC.
As I lay on the couch and watch your show, I notice that Stephen spends entire episodes debating on which one of you he really wants to hang out with. He goes back and forth every new episode making the two of you look really dumb, and you guys hate each other for it. If I were you I would hate Stephen, even though he's really hot, has a great smile, has a half way nice body, and owns a really sweet truck.
If you are going to hate each other at least make it for valid reasons. Kristin, if you are going to hate LC, hate her because she is filthy rich, really pretty, and has more friends than you do. And LC, if you are going to hate Kristin, hate her because she gets wasted at 17 and dances on top of a bar in Mexico, she says mean things about you, and hate her for the fact that she's just plain dumb.

sincerely,
Brittany

p.s. Tell Stephen that if he wants to he can give me his truck, or he can just take a picture with him and his surf board next to the truck and send it to me. Thanks, love you!

I Got A Job

Job. An easy word to say. A hard thing to do. You quit some. You get fired from some. Mostly, you quit some.

So, I got a new one the other day. I like it so far. I have learned things about myself that I never knew until my first day on the job. Apparently, I am Super Cute, Super Sweet, and Super Fabulous. Isn't that, like, SUPER?

I work at one of the most well known lingerie stores in the world. What it boils down to when they say I'm "Super Cute" or "Super Sweet", it means I'm a Super Hero. I get to fly around the store and sell bras and panties to women who can barely walk because of their boobies. They say, "It's a burden to have big breasts. Especially when you buy them yourself," and I say "No, they (the boobies) are just fine. You just need a supportive uplifting bra that is seamless and REALLY comfortable."

What I'm really saying is, " Why would you buy double d's if you are 5'3" and weigh 100 lbs? Did you have to learn how to walk again after surgery?"

See, I am a Super Hero because I can totally be lying and they would never know it. I work at the store, they have to listen. I am their bra master. I lie, and they buy. The end! Is that wrong?

I got my full schedule after I completed a full four hour shift. Mostly, I am just on-call.

Who does that? Am I a doctor? Im pretty sure I just signed up for "Sales associate," or as the girls there like to call it, "Bra Specialist."

I never would have thought that I would have to be on call for a simple holiday job. I guess now I have to keep my cell phone on at all times just in case someone has a SUPER bra emergency.

Hypothetical occurrence:

RING RING RING.

"Hello," says moi.

"Brittany, A booby has fallen out! We need your help finding the SUPER perfect bra for the unfortunate big breasted women with a SUPER big booby that has unfortunately found it's way out of the less-than-perfect Target bra!! It will take SUPER amounts of effort! We can't do it alone." Says Co-Bra Specialist.

"Yeah, OK. Let me channel into my Super Fabulous Super Powers, and I will be right over!" Says moi.

Click.

It's a bra. It's a girl. No, it's a girl in a flying bra!

Let us re-think the ON CALL thing, shall we? Super!