I Got A Job
Job. An easy word to say. A hard thing to do. You quit some. You get fired from some. Mostly, you quit some.
So, I got a new one the other day. I like it so far. I have learned things about myself that I never knew until my first day on the job. Apparently, I am Super Cute, Super Sweet, and Super Fabulous. Isn't that, like, SUPER?
I work at one of the most well known lingerie stores in the world. What it boils down to when they say I'm "Super Cute" or "Super Sweet", it means I'm a Super Hero. I get to fly around the store and sell bras and panties to women who can barely walk because of their boobies. They say, "It's a burden to have big breasts. Especially when you buy them yourself," and I say "No, they (the boobies) are just fine. You just need a supportive uplifting bra that is seamless and REALLY comfortable."
What I'm really saying is, " Why would you buy double d's if you are 5'3" and weigh 100 lbs? Did you have to learn how to walk again after surgery?"
See, I am a Super Hero because I can totally be lying and they would never know it. I work at the store, they have to listen. I am their bra master. I lie, and they buy. The end! Is that wrong?
I got my full schedule after I completed a full four hour shift. Mostly, I am just on-call.
Who does that? Am I a doctor? Im pretty sure I just signed up for "Sales associate," or as the girls there like to call it, "Bra Specialist."
I never would have thought that I would have to be on call for a simple holiday job. I guess now I have to keep my cell phone on at all times just in case someone has a SUPER bra emergency.
Hypothetical occurrence:
RING RING RING.
"Hello," says moi.
"Brittany, A booby has fallen out! We need your help finding the SUPER perfect bra for the unfortunate big breasted women with a SUPER big booby that has unfortunately found it's way out of the less-than-perfect Target bra!! It will take SUPER amounts of effort! We can't do it alone." Says Co-Bra Specialist.
"Yeah, OK. Let me channel into my Super Fabulous Super Powers, and I will be right over!" Says moi.
Click.
It's a bra. It's a girl. No, it's a girl in a flying bra!
Let us re-think the ON CALL thing, shall we? Super!
posted by Unknown at 4:32 AM
3 Comments:
Ya, I got a job too; a necessary evil. In my work world, we don't get to talk to each other through headsets or get told we are SUPER! Though the Christmas bonus makes me feel a little tingly, which is kind of SUPER. As you sell all those XL thongs to Christmas lovers, keep a smile on your face and try your best not to let the imagery get to you!
Selling an XL thong would not only be heart-wrenching, it would be the zenith of wrong. The more I think about that comment, Mom, I wonder: Could you really see the thong if the XL woman was wearing it? Ponder that.
hey, thanks for the comment.
Im pretty sure that all math teachers are arabic for some reason too. Or at least just mine, God hates me.
I liked your post, good work there.
And working at a lingere store is completely badass.
Yea, do all us guys a favor, and try to discourage any XL thong sales. I know its against company policy to discourage sales, but its for the good of humanity.
Fight the Power.
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