A Keyboard for Pretty Britti

We need to get this for Brit for Christmas!
I wish that they made one for redheads...

(If you click on the picture, a larger one will open in a new window.)

Wow. I was looking over my blog recently and concluded that I should probably start another one. Maybe a blog less related to serial dating and the crying of guys involved. I should probably portray myself as a more mature Brittanyjonn rather than the one who wasn't going anywhere in particular with her life and constantly ruining the egos of twenty-something men across Oklahoma. Though, it was funny, and I never ran out of material, it's about time to grow up just a tad.

So, I'm going to revamp I Only Speak the Truth. Even though I completely told the truth about destroying men's self-esteem; I find it hard to relate to now. I've changed oh-so-much. Ok, well not that much. The only real difference is that I am in a serious relationship that has lasted for a year and three days. This, my friends, is truly a means for celebration. Britty is growing up! I'm not going to say whether or not I have made this one cry or whether or not I have stunted his manhood in anyway, all I can tell you is that he's seemingly perfect for me (obviously, it's lasted more than 2 weeks). He puts up with my shit, and let's be honest, it takes a saint.

Sadly, I no longer hang out with girls who flash their boobs to try to get free Taco Bell. I don't go to bars all the time and come home with hilarious stories to share with--what--the three other people who read this? I'm HUGE! I do have a story about a D.U.I., but it would take a lot for me to make that funny. And it wasn't my D.U.I. so I would probably get in trouble for sharing the details (no matter how funny I could make them if I thought about it hard enough).

You know, I could tell you my side of it. Those are my details to share, right? My in depth behind the scenes story of a good night gone bad--very bad. Oh, how edgy!

Fine, you talked me into it! I must share. It's my calling!

The day started out in a field in the country. It wasn't that far from where I live, but it was still shocking to see that much land. See, I forget sometimes that Oklahoma is pretty much just one giant field. I just happen to live on the part of the field that is surrounded by a city(a small city, but a city none the less). I never travel off the beaten path. I always think about how it could turn into a horror film at any moment and it makes me anxious. We were in the country because one of my boyfriend's good friends was in town and his brother was throwing him a BBQ at his trailer-across a bridge-around a corner-past some corn-in the country.

Speeding right along now, my boyfriend's friend was drunk. I mean stumbling around and hitting on grandma drunk(there are pictures). I'd say it's because he's from the country, but he's not. His brother isn't either. I guess he just turned cowboy one day and started talking with a twang. I guess there really is no excuse for him hitting on his grandma--maybe it wasn't his grandma at all. There's a good chance that maybe he just called her grandma cause she was old(Ancient). Anyway, everyone there was getting a little irritated with all this perversion and drunkenness(by the way, he was the only one drunk) and decided that it was time to leave. Everyone agreed on Norman. It was far as shit away, but that is where pretty much everyone in attendance lived. So off we went.

We hung out at a couple bars until the bars were closing for the night. Nothing exciting really happened except for drunk guy falling asleep at both bars and on the ground outside. One of my boyfriend's other friends wanted us to come to his house so we hopped in the car to meet them there. Bad. Idea. We didn't even make it around the corner. I almost peed my pants. It really was a terrifying experience. I have never seen anyone get arrested in real life. I've heard stories, and even the stories made my heart beat fast. I never envisioned myself in a position where an orange jumpsuit was probable. Luckily, I never really had to get out of the car. I was in the passenger seat. Believe me, I felt just as much shame and guilt as the driver. I don't think I have ever felt so much anger towards myself. And disappointment. And regret.

As the driver was getting his field sobriety test, a police officer was talking to me through my car window. He was just chatting with me like we had been friends for ever. I mean, he wanted to know where I lived and he wanted my number. I think he was trying to ask me on a date. How inappropriate! He didn't have any reason to get any of my information unless he was going to arrest me. All I kept thinking was, "I will not look good in orange. The girls will be mean to me. My parents might leave me there. Big girls are scary. Why is this cops head almost in my window? Do handcuffs hurt? Will they put a seatbelt on me? Does 'click it or ticket' apply in a cop car?"
I thought a lot of things, but mostly, I thought how bad it sucked for the driver. After awhile the cop told me that I could get out of my car. I was really nervous, but as I was sitting on the curb, one of my boyfriend's friends who saw what happened rode down on his bike to try and talk the police into letting me go with him. He almost got arrested, too, but they ended up letting us both go. Thank god. The poor driver still got taken away though. I spent the rest of the night figuring out how to get him out of jail as fast as possible. Five hours has never gone by so slow in my entire life. It was miserable.

I guess I didn't succeed in making this story very funny. It's because it's not very funny at all. But who says humor can't be added to a near jail experience? I'm not a felon. I can do what I want.

On a serious note, drinking and driving is not a funny subject. Even though we didn't get very far, I realize that even a block or so could have put someone in danger. If you can afford to go out and drink, you can afford to get a cab. And hell, after all those carbs in beer, you can afford to walk! I am thankful that I didn't get hurt. I'm more than thankful that no one else did.

--BrittanyJonn

Right.

"I don't recall recollecting."

I just heard that on the Daily Show. I didn't look up to see who said it, but that just might be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard next to my friend saying, "Yeah, that's a shed, but it's still really fun for kids. Except there's a lawn mower and some sharp stuff in there, so it probably wouldn't be very safe."

I don't really know why I'm blogging. I haven't in months. I really don't have a valid point either because everything in my life is exactly the same as its always been. The creepy boys keep on keepin on, Oklahoma still sucks a really cottage cheesy ass, and I still party.

Most recently, my ex-boyfriend saw me at a little gathering and told me that he hated me, but it was the kind of hate that meant he could still be nice to me. Whatever the shit that means. I simply smiled and said, "Oh, I hate you, too, but it's the kind of hate that means that I actually do hate you."

He laughed, and I laughed as well, but it was more of an awkward laugh than a funny ha-ha kind of laugh on my part, whereas he thought I was joking. I didn't really understand at what point he thought it would be ok to tell me this. I mean shit, he showed up at a party where he knew I was going to be and where all of my friends were going to be just so he could tell me that he hates me in a nice way? Right. He still loves me.

A circus freak from Argentina fell in love with me. That was awkward. It's also a very long story, so I figure it will be more fun to just leave you hanging on that one.

I've been going to a gay bar lately. It's called The Copa. I went there with my cousin thinking that I wouldn't get hit on and that I would just be able to hang out. No. Not at all. Gay guys are touchy and they fondle and grab. And there are actually straight guys there. I'm pretty sure they figured out that straight girls go there to not be bothered.

I can hear the conversation now, "Hey, dudes. Know what I heard? I heard that fuckin chicks, man, they go to the gay bar so they don't have to put up with dudes hitting on them. They just get wasted and dance. We should totally fuckin go and wait for them to get wasted and then try to hook up! DUDES, BRILLIANT. High five man! YEAH!"

I actually met a boy who is half way interesting there, though. Oh, but knowing the way it goes for me, he will turn all creepy and emotional and start crying for no reason when he randomly decides that I am The One for him. I can't wait to break his little heart.

Why is the room spinning?

it's been awhile. i've been busy. sort of.

Lately my weeks have been something like this:

Monday: hang.
Tuesday: hang at Shilo's.
Wednesday: get stupid at Sidecar...and then A.K.'s
Thursday: sleep. wake up. sleep. hang.
Friday: see a band. go to Sidecar.
Saturday: go to Sidecar.
Sunday: sleep. sleep. sleep.

So, there's that. These people that I've been hanging out with are NUTS. Seriously. I have never liked Oklahoma so much as I have this past month or so. And I've actually been getting along with some girls.

Halloween was friggin crazy. The Saturday before my friend Tiffany and I dressed up like "Sexed-up" prom girls. We had wild hair, lots of make up, and tatoo's that my brother drew for us. We went to this thing called EvilJive at Electro Lounge. It was a lot of fun. I learned something new about myself. I really, really, really like electronic music.

On the actual day of Halloween I was dressed up like a gangster. The costume was a little skanky, but it was cute, and it got a lot of compliments. That night was amazing. All my friends forgot that daylight savings had happened, so we got to the bar at like 9. We thought it was 10, so we were pretty "gone" by the time everyone else showed up. I had this drink called Killer Kool-Aid. It was good.

Ok, well, i have nothing else to say. so bye.

21 is interesting.

i wasn't aware of the fact that when you turn 21, each of your of age friends has to take you out and then leave you with a diconnected-why-is-everything-in-slow-motion feeling the next day. let me just explain how i'm feeling at the moment.

my eyes aren't focusing correctly, my head feels like its filled with cotton, or something equally as light and fluffy, my tongue is burnt cause i put soup in the microwave for 3 minutes (don't do that),and my stomach is totally hating me.

wine.is.bad. and you know what? i blame this on my mom. it's her fault that i like it. damnit. of course, i like blaming my wrong doings on other people. it makes me feel better.

anyway, i need to sleep or find a job. probably sleep.

..Cause Jameson did it first..

THINGS GIRLS WISH GUYS KNEW

1. Don't ever lie to us, we will find out.
-Well, we find out eventually, but it's usually too late. And who ever it is that is telling us usually says, "Oh, you didn't already know that...."

2. Girls are pretty. Get over it.
-No. No. No. No. No. No. FALSE! I once saw a girl that looked like a monkey. Monkeys are only cute if they are, infact, a monkey.

3. You don't have PMS so don't act like you know what it's like
-I have yet to meet a guy who acts like he knows what PMS is like. However, I have met a guy who acted like he DID have PMS. Infact, this has happened countless times if you look through all of my posts.

4. If you talk about having a big dick, we know you don't.
-Lie. One time, at a party, my friend Brandon was talking about how big his weiner was, and I made the mistake of saying, "No its not!" I got a little flashie flash, and then did the typical girl thing. I ran away. He was..uh..hung.

5. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.
- And gives me a headache.

6. Be spontaneous. Dinner and a movie gets old.
-What else is there to do? Party? That's not a date. Pic Nic? Flies. Yuck. Skating? That would actually be fun.

7. We are drama queens. Never forget that.
-I, for one, stay away from drama as much as I can. So, yes, forget that.

8. We absolutely do not care about trucks, paintball, hunting, or anything else you and your friends talk about.
-I'm from Oklahoma. I like trucks, paintball is too painful, and I hang out with a lot of guys so, yes, I do care what you guys talk about.

9. Shave! No matter how cool you think your goatee or beard or mustache looks, we hate it. We like clean-cut men.
-I don't mind the scruffy look;however, I do not not like the I-was-stuck-in-the-mountains-haven't-shaved-in-a-year-look. Oh, and the Abe Lincoln looks is bad, too.

10. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.
-hahaha.

11. Size does matter
-What's that gay ass saying? It's the motion in the ocean?

12. No matter what you say, your ex girlfriend is a hoe.
-and a stripper, and crazy, and she looks like a donkey.

13. No matter what you say, your friends are idiots.
-No. That's not always true.

14. If we slap you, you deserved it.
-You must have done something stupid for me to slap you.

15. We don't want to pay. Be a man, throw down the cash.
-I don't know what voting has to do with this ,Jam. I don't mind paying sometimes.

16. There are no signs on us that say "Stare at my boobs/butt" or "Grope me, I want it."
-Ok, this one does piss me off. I can't see people stare at my butt, so thats fine, but if you touch it, thats when we go back to #14.

17. Don't ask for a Guys Night then bitch about Girls Night.
-true.

18. Our friends know EVERYTHING. If we say we didn't tell about your little "problem"...we're lying.
-False. Some of my friends don't keep secrets.

19. We compare you to our ex-boyfriends...and always tell you that you're the "best" .
-Most of my ex-boyfriends are ass holes.

20. Don't expect us to look like Pamela Anderson if you don't look like Brad Pitt.
-They are both over-rated.

21. We will think you are gay if you wear tightie whities on a regular basis.
-I wont think you're gay, but I will laugh at you.

22. If you want head, give it.
-haha.

23. Playing the guitar will help you get laid.
-Or get you an STD.

24. Our Daddy can, and will, kick your ass.
-I still call him Daddy. And it's true. He can and will kick your ass.

25. We fake it. Yes with you. End of story.
-If this was actually the case...then why would we do you?

Religion and Pizza Rolls.

A friend called yesterday afternoon:

Friend: What are you doing today?
Me: No plans really.
Friend: Well, I'm having White Trash Wednesday at my house. Come over.
Me: What the hell is White Trash Wednesday?
Friend: It's when you start drinking as early in the day as you can.
Me: I'll be there later.

I get to his house at about 6:00. Apparently, that wasn't white trash enough because he and his friend had started drinking at like 3:00 and had been playing that college football video game just as long. So, I'm there hangin out watching them play that stupid, stupid game for about 30 min, when they finally decided they had played long enough. Thank God. My friend decided we should play a card game, and his friend and I both agreed. Fuck The Dealer. Good game.

We weren't a card into the game when someone knocks on the door. My friend gets up and answers it. He's gone for about 20 min. He comes back in and his little sister is attatched to his leg. His mom is right behind him. Great. Apparently, its Mandala night.

"What the hell is that," you ask? Oh I will tell you what the hell it is.

You put in a CD of people making weird ass humming noises. You get used to hearing the humming sounds after a bit. You kind of tune it out, but then out of nowhere the humming stops and a voice tells you to imagine your self surrounded by purple light. While your listening to humming and a voice telling you to surround your self in purple light, you color. Yes, color. Like kindergarteners color. I guess it's supposed to be spiritual. I spent more time concentrating on coloring inside the lines then surrounding myself with purple light. I was not enlightened. Infact, if I have to color, please to make me listen to something that is not going to make me more bored and tired. Coloring, for me, wasn't even fun when I was little. It hasn't changed a bit.

Anyway, My friend's Mom, sister, and Mom's two friends were there for a long ass effing time. They were talking about aliens and other weird shit. I got my horoscope read to me. I was compared to Emilio Estavez (or how ever the hell you spell it). Needless to say, I didn't understand what my horoscope meant. My friend's Mom broke it down, but it still didn't register. Fuck it. These ladies were weird. However, according to my friend's Mom, Libras are cool as hell. That's my sign. For a brief moment I felt a little better, but the boredom set right back in after about 20 seconds.

And you know the hilarity of it all? My friend and his friend kept finding reasons to leave, and left me there with the Mandala Cult. I was just waiting for someone to come right on out and ask me what religion I was because all I heard from them as Buddah this and Agnostic that. I kept my mouth shut. Mostly because I didn't know what the hell to say, and if I had, I wouldn't have known what I was talking about.

The Mandala Cult left at about 10:00 or so. The drinking game continued, but not for long. The beer ran out, and the only thing left to entertain us as Eddy Izzard. He's a tranny comedian. He's funny ass hell, but for a gay man, he doesn't know how to dress at all. It wasn't long before my friend's friend passed out, but not before eating Kraft single slices of cheese with tortilla chips, mayonaise, and salsa. Sick, I know. My friend and I started talking. At first it was about nothing in particular, and then I said this, which pretty much fucked up the rest of the night, "I can't wait to go home and eat some pizza rolls."

This is how the conversation went the rest of the night (these aren't quotes):

Friend: Pizza rolls? That's disgusting. It's processed food. It's so bad for you.
Me: I really don't give a shit. They taste good. I will eat the hell out of some pizza rolls.
Friend: You don't even know what is in them.
Me: The same thing as a pizza. They have pizza sauce, cheese, and pepperoni (Idiot).
Friend: Do you eat cheese wiz?
Me: No. That's sick.
Friend: Well, it's pretty much the same thing.
Me: No, pizza rolls are not the same as cheese wiz. Pizza rolls do not come in a can, they come in a bag. And they do not taste like shit, they taste heavenly.
Friend: Well, I wont feel sorry for you when you get cancer from eating them.
Me: Seriously? (WHAT THE FUCK??????)
Friend: Yes.
Me: Are you seriosly judging me for what I eat?
Friend: I judge everyone on how they eat.
Me: What the hell gives you the right to do that?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: Well that settles that( dumbass).
Friend: Remember the other night when you asked me if I was a Christian?
Me: Yeah, and I asked because you made comments about Heaven not being real, and about how you don't like to be blessed after you sneeze (I'm just going to punch him after he sneezes now).
Friend: Well, did you know that asking a question is the same thing as accusing?
Me: How so?
Friend: Don't you think that if your dad asked you if you were a virgin he would be accusing you of not being one?
Me: No, I wouldn't think that. I would think he was just asking in hopes that I would be honest with him.
Friend: Wrong. He would be accusing you.
Me: Whatever. (Cause he would really know, right).
Friend: Why did you ask if I was a Christian?
Me: Because of the comments you made, and also out of curiosity.
Friend: I think you asked because of your beliefs.
Me: Not so much, no. I asked because I wanted to know.
Friend: But, if I had said that I wasn't a Christian you would have stopped talking to me.
Me: No, I'm not that kind of person. I'm not going to turn someone away because of what they believe. I don't have it in me to do that, and it's just wrong. Do you really think I'm like that?
Friend: Yeah. I think you're like that.
Me: Look at me. You have completely offended me. You told me I was going to get cancer from a fucking pizza roll, you put me in a metaphorical situation where my dad would be asking and accusing me of not being a virgin at the same time, and you told me, basically, that I was a judgemental Bible pusher. Judge this (Thats when i flipped him off).

After that, I grabbed my keys and purse and walked out the door.

I get a call about 5 minutes after I left. He was just telling me how sorry he was blah blah blah. He said he was drunk and probably wouldn't remember saying any of this tomorrow.

Great. That whole converstaion was a waste of damn time.

I got home 15 minutes later and heated up a huge amount of pizza rolls. I ate every single one, and then called him to tell him how good they were and then hung up.

Fun at the Fair

I saw lots of head-turning things, like a man with a short arm, a lady with no feet, a midget dressed like a ref, and a shirt that read, "Why did God make me black?"

The fair is one over-sized, smelly freak show. So, to make it somewhat entertaining, my friends and I took pictures with the people who we thought truly defined what a state fair should be.

• A janitor with every other tooth missing
• A group of mexican cowboys
  
• A man in a golf cart
• An old man
• A chick with a MASSIVE mohawk
• A group of skater/bike guys who wanted me to model for them. No was my answer.
• A lady who turned out to be deaf in a table cloth for a dress. Yes, it was hard trying to tell her that I wanted a picture with her. Talking louder doesn't make a difference when you can't hear at all.
  
• A group of guys in suit jackets. They were kinda hot.
• A guy sitting infront of a fountain.

Now, I'm probably forgeting some, but all in all, it was pretty hilarious. As soon as my friend uploads the pics I will post some.

I can't wait for my birthday.

I can't do this 18-to-enter-watch-your-very-under-age-friends-have-people-buy-them-drinks-and-make-asses-of-themselves-shit anymore. Honestly, I'm not going to be that person that buys my 19ish year old friends drinks. No jail time, or a very large ticket for me, thanks. And no, I'm not doing beer runs either.

I guess, when October 7th rolls around I will be spending most of my weekends with Mom and AuntieT (and her cute boy, too).

By the way, AuntieT, I am very happy that you have met a 6'3" hotty that treats you like a princess. I haven't met him, yet, I know. Though, I have this vision in my head, and I like this vision, so I hope I'm not let down when I see him. However, when I think of cute boys that I haven't seen I think no shirt, ripped abs, and a tight ass. Was that too much? Sorry. Oh, and I like that he has a younger brother. Is that bad? Mom says he's cute. At least, I think she did. I might have made that up.

I still don't have a clue as to what I am doing for my birthday. My options are limited seeing as how most of my friends are no where close to being able to step past that Must Be 21 To Past This Point sign. I can't wait to cross over that threshold. I hope there is a spot light on me. Little Britty will be all grows up--for the most part.

I wonder what my dad thinks about me turning 21. He'll probably shit his pants. My hopes are that he has a beer with me, but that might be a little too far fetched seeing as how I can count on one hand (maybe two) the times I've seen him with a beer.

And my grandparents. I wonder if they'll plead the blood over me. They'll most-likely remind me that God is always watching. You know, when I was little and they told me that God could always see me, I thought that by covering myself with a blanket I was forming a force-field around me. For no reason, really, other than the fact that I don't like the thought of someone always seeing me.

Giant poodles are Scary

Yesterday, starting around 4 o'clock and ending at about 8 was the weirdest most interesting 4 hours of my life--lately.

This guy that I'm kind of talking to asked me to hang out yesterday, so I did. I got to his house around 4 and we hung out there for a little bit. We couldn't figure anything out to do so we went on an adventure (not a Jameson kind of adventure)-- by adventure I mean: Best Buy, Starbucks, Barns and Noble, Target, Hefner lake, and a park.

Best Buy was cool. He bought Elizabeth town for us to watch later that night, and then we looked at big T.V.s, and played with a video game that had guitars instead of the reagular little things that you use to make the game go. I don't know what the hell they are, so I'm counting on you to just understand.

Starbucks and Barns and Noble-- Those two places are connected in the same building, so it was just one stop. I get out of "his" truck and got a huge surprise. When I'm all the way out and the door is shut, I'm face to face with a giant black poodle, and a little tiny chihuahua who were left by their owners in a large SUV. They are both barking loudly, and the poodle looks like it wants to eat me. I'm literally like Mission Impossible trying to slide across the length of his truck to get away cause these little shits are half way hanging out of the window. It was funny afterwards, but it had been funny to "him" the whole time.

When I was safe, he said, "Yeah, I thought I had lost you for a second." And then he decided that we should find a book about Giant Poodles when we got into the bookstore.

Starbucks. That was interesting. Walked in--everything was cool. People are sitting around reading and jabbering about whatever it is bookstore dwellers jab about. I follow "him" to the counter and made eye contact with something very shocking. I was standing face to face to a man with short hair, a pirate mustache and beard, blush, glittering eye shadow, black eyeliner, and very long eyelashes. I didn't let the shock show on my face because I have seen men like that before, but it was in places where I expected it. So, I smiled, I told Glittering Eye Man that I didn't want anything to drink, and I turned around. My heart was still pounding from the near face off encounter with the damn poodle, and now I'm left wondering why that man was better at doing make up than me.

A quick stroll across Starbucks, and we were in the bookstore where we head straight for the magazine racks. That was fun. Then we weren't really heading anywhere, but we ended up on the isle about Karma Sutra and guides on how to Get It On. I make a joke like, "Yeah, I already have all these so we can move a long." I began to wonder if he knew that was a joke, but by the time I was ready to confirm, we were on another isle about Chakras and Tarot cards. He told me that his Mom had all this stuff, and I made the face that says, "Oh. Cool." You know what I'm talking about. You lift your eye brows and widen your eyes (you're doing it now aren't you? Dork). I only make that face when I'm not quite sure what to say. Then, we end up on two different sides of a bookshelf. My side is religion, and his side is the New Age stuff. After a moment we switch sides and he pops right back out and says, "That side isn't for me." Again, I don't say anything. I just shrug my shoulders as if to say, "Oh well." When all along I was wondering why that side wasn't for him. I couldn't ask that thought, because I knew that I probably didn't want to know the answer. Not that any answer would have been a wrong answer. I just know my answer, and I had a feeling that his answer was completely different from mine. We got bored with all the books and decided to leave.

Our next stop was Target. I didn't really understand the point of Target being as it was kind of the same as the previous stores we had been to before, but once again I kept this thought to myself. It was quite a long walk considering he likes to park far away from the doors. That I did question, and he told me that it was because he liked to walk. This proves true later. Anyway, Target sucked. We walked around and looked at stuff like toasters and car cleaning supplies, both of which freaked me out because he was very interested in the toaster that toasts four pieces of bread at the same time, and the car stuff was just over-whelming because I haven't cleaned my car in for-fucking-ever.

The Lake. That was fun. We drove all the way around the lake just looking at it and talking. I thought it was fun because I like to look at pretty things (boys, clothes, lakes, etc). We parked in a parking lot and headed toward a bench that seemed to be about a mile away. Once we got to the bench we just sat there and watched people walk by with their dogs. We talked about things like how he was picky about clothes and stuff where as I was picky about food textures. It wasn't that interesting until the sun had finally set and we walked to the park where he told me there were always cops because gay men liked to fool around there. I kept the fact that I wanted to know why he knew that to myself. As a joke, I almost asked but remembered that he had gay friends so gay jokes probably aren't that funny to him. Unless, of course, they are made by him. I found the swings and sat down on one. I decided that the kid that was on there last must have been covered in ice cream because the chains were so sticky. I found I was correct when "He" looked behind me and saw a Braums ice cream cup on the ground. I was disgusted, so we walked the long distance back to the car.

That was the end of the end of the adventure because the last stop was his apartment/art studio where we watched the movie he bought at Best Buy.

Stay classy and thanks for stopping by,
B

I have Sweet Skills.

Have you ever been in a rut? The kind of rut that overwhelms the shit out of you as your trying to figure a way out of it? I am in more than one rut right now. One of the ruts I have been in since puberty hit, and I decided that boys were cute and fun to kiss. You know how it goes, Brittany meets boy. Brittany likes boy. Boy turns creepy/into an ass. Brittany runs screaming.
That rut seems to pretend to go away, but then sneeks up behind me and kicks me in the ass as if to say, "Effing Idiot. Like this one was really going to be different."

The other rut is a stalker. It follows me everywhere, and makes me feel naked in public like everyone knows im in this rut and they're just being nice because they feel sorry for me. I feel myself sink deeper into this rut when people ask me, "So, where do you go to school?"
I always reply back with, "Oh. I don't go to school. School and I don't get along. I'm saving up my money to get into hair school."

I don't even have a job. People laugh when my name and work are put in the same sentence. I plan on saving money for hair school, but finding a job sucks. Especially when I know that I am not going to like any job other than the one I really want to do. I don't know why I'm not one of those people who are super motivated. I fell off somewhere after junior high when some of my friends focused on school and some of them focused on parties. Oh, and then there were the friends that focused on both.

They always pissed me off cause I never quite got how they did it. I always juggled between homework and parties. I dropped homework, and held tightly on to partying. I think it was because I knew I was good at it, and I didn't feel like a dumb ass. I've always been good at making people laugh, having fun, not caring, and drinking beer. Where do those things fit in in real life? I'm in a rut of uselessness. No direction what so ever. On the outside I'm care-free, happy, and confident. People actually tell me they are jealous of me for those things. I don't get why. It has gotten me no where and nothing except for a lot of friends and phone calls to the best parties. To bad I don't get a pay check for that. Instead I have a huge phone bill and an empty gas tank.

I'm supposed to have a job by the end of this week. I was actually going through the paper last night with my mom trying to find jobs. I came across one that said something about Microsoft Sweet Skills. That made me laugh because if you take off Microsoft, I do have Sweet Skills. And if I could get a job based on that, that would be fabulous. It's actually supposed to be suite skills. Dumbasses. They should just give me a job editing their job ads. 20 bucks an hour, please. I'll sit there all day talking on myspace until they have an ad that they would like me to edit. I will change a few spelling errors and put little hearts over the "i's" and that will be it.

I should seriously learn to be realistic, huh?

I guess as long as im not selling underwear to strange women, bathing dogs, or being a Brand Rep, I'm ok. We'll see how it goes. I'll letcha know when I find a job--or go to a really bad ass party.

STOP RUNNING AWAY, SHIT!

I've seen drunk people before. I've seen shit-faced people before. I've even seen what they are like beyond shit-faced, but never have I ever seen a drunk like Jameson. This experience was completely new.

His first night here we just chilled out, givin him the chance to ease in to what Oklahoma and the people had to offer. That was a good night, and no, you can not ash a ritz bitz cracker. Why did I try? I don't know why I tried. I made up some dumb-ass excuse that went something like, "I didn't want to get the crumbs to get on me." I'm such a liar.

The next night--oh yes. That was priceless. Since Jameson remembers nothing, let me just tell you what happened. Get ready to pee in your pants:

1. Went to dinner.
2. Got back from dinner and grabbed what we were going to be drinking that night (Lauren and I: Rum and Pineapple Juice, Jameson: Captain Morgan)
3. Get to a house where we are meeting up with friends. Jameson begins to get rather wasted.
4. Smoke break out side.
5. Sometime after that, Jameson ran away.
6. Scotty and I go look for him.
7. I call Jameson.
8. He says, "I went through some fence. I'm at a 7-11)
9. We find the fence and walk through it.
10. Jameson sees us and starts running back.
11. He doesn't stop when he gets to us. Oh no. He just keeps going.
12. We lose him again.
13. We find him prancing through the field.
14. We see him behind a tree.
15. Scotty goes one way and I go the other.
16. Jameson jukes us.
17. He jukes us again.
18. And again.
19. And again.
20. And again.
21. Side note- Have you ever had to chase a dog that has escaped? If they don't want you to catch them they sprint off, and everyonce and a while will look back to make sure you're still chasing him? That was Jameson.
22. We finally get him back to the apartment.
23. I walk inside to use the restroom.
24. I come back out, and I don't see Jameson.
25. I say his name, and he raises his hand from behind a recliner. He was hiding behind it.
26. Finally, we leave to go to another house where the owner lays down the law. He doesn't want us using the back door because its broken.
27. Jameson uses it anyway.
28. He passes out in the back yard cuddling with his bottle.

That was the end of his night. He doesn't remember much, Poor Guy.

My Mom is going to post also because she got the phone side of the story. That's going to be some funny shit.

--BrittanyJonn

He's all grows up - he's all grows up!

I woke up this morning with the sun piercing through my window, and I said, "Why?"
Why did I ask why? Well, my head was greeted with a monster headache at 7:00 this morning. I tried to keep my eyes open, but the sunlight seemed as though it was burning out my corneas. Yes. I know. I'm a tad over-dramatic. It sucked though, it really did. I woudn't lie to you. I like you too much--or something.

My cousins wedding is this weekend. I'm ready for it to be over. I love her, and I love her boy, but I do not love this week. Crying is my cousins second language now. I don't understand crying unless it's me doing it. Naturally, I expect everyone to understand me as I'm sure she does. I'm sorry. I'm selfish and not very sympathetic. I suck.

That is all for now. I'm trying to get back in the mode of this blogging thing. I'm still not interesting. Sorry.

Sha Sha Sha booyah--roll call.

I know you have been missing me. It's ok. I've missed you, sort of. Here's whats new and stuff (with bullets cause they are my fav):

• Bathing dogs. Ok, not really new, but I'm still doing it which is a shock to my family and even me. I've never held a job for this long.
• I have a boyfriend who i celebrated a moths anniversary with yesterday (blah blah, I know. and you can't have an anniversary if its only been a month). Again, this is a shock to my family and me. I've never held a boyfriend for this long. Ok, maybe once or twice.
• Rolling Rock is my new drink of choice. Love it. Love. It. Yes.
• There's a new puppy that lives with my parents. They've changed his name about 6 times, and finally decided to stick with Ozzy. He's cute, but he is annoying. He also pees on people. and on beds. and in cars. and stuff. Oh, and he humps stuffed animals heads and bites them on the butt. Kinky.
• I have no friends that are girls. All of them have started dating stupid boys who are stupid. haha. stupid.
• I decided that I am going to quit smoking on May 14th. Yes, I set a date. My cousin and my boyfriend are quiting on this day, too. We'll see how that really goes.

Yeah, so that's about it. I'm not that interesting here lately.

K. Bye.