when Brit runs out of gas, it's funny

In the humble opinion of AuntieT, it actually may be a miracle that Brit didn't get thrown in the pokey when she ran out of gas. The part that she left out is that when the officer walked up to her window, he looked down at her and said "are you having car trouble?"

I know that you don't know B as well as I do, but imagine yourself out of gas and completely miserable - then imagine that you have no censor, that you are incapable of telling anything but the truth. You should also imagine that you don't have a lot of patience with people who ask stupid questions.

Brit told me that she hesitated before she answered the officer's "are you having car trouble" question. Yea, Brit! This is definitely a step in the right direction. Had you answered "no, dumb ass, I enjoy blocking traffic and getting flipped off - like this - doesn't that make you feel great" the way you wanted to. Your dad may have been picking you up at an entirely different place.

Speaking of your dad, my favorite part of the story is when you see your dad drive by, your phone rings, and it is him asking "what's the cop doing there." John cracks me up.

This is the part where I make fun of B - did you know that if you listen to your radio and run your air conditioning while you are waiting almost 30 minutes for someone to bring you gas that your car battery will go dead? You knew that? So did I. Brit didn't. So B, did your dad have the jumper cables, or did you borrow them from the cop?

No Gas, No Battery, No Driving

I just left Danny's, and it is raining out side.

I make my left-hand turn onto Sooner Rd. and my car begins to jump.

Literally.

My car begins to jump, so I look at the little orange line that tells me how much gas I have.

It's on E, but my gas light isn't on. Confusing.

Finally, my little spaceship/Mazda MX-6 stops on the side of the road. Well. Sort of the side. Maybe I was just a little in the middle. I rhymed.

I dialed my dad's number into my cell and clinched my teeth together as I wait for him to answer.

"Hello?"

"Dad, you're going to hate me."

"What did you do?"

"I ran out of gas on Sooner."

"I'll be there in about 30 minutes."

I put my hazards on and sat there, sort of on the side, sort of in the middle.

Cars start honking. I flatten my forehead onto the steering wheel. I counted about 10 middle fingers.

"I'm sorry that you have to take 2 seconds out of your life to go around me, effers."

Oh, look. A cop. Shit. He's turning around.

He pulls behind me and gets out of the car.

I explain to him whats going on and he laughs at me. He tells me that he will stay behind me with his lights on so that no one would hit me. He's also like 75 years old.

20 minutes pass and my dad finally shows, gas in tow.

Dad pours it in and then tells me to start the car.

Nothing.

"Brittany. Did you kill your battery?"

"I don't know."

So, I killed the battery. Note to self. Don't leave blinky lights on with your driving lights and your radio and air conditioner.

Don't do these things. Batteries die.

My dad, magical man, brought it back to life. I love him for that.

He also bought me gas.

Thanks Daddy.

I love my faja! I do.

Being 6 was so cool...

Nothing cool has happened. I'm still a lame ass.

All I do is hang out with the Laurens, hang out with Danny, and hang out with my cousin. Nothing eventful ever really happens that is worth talking about. Oh, except yesterday when Danny's roommate told me that he had farted earlier and it sounded like he farted into a bowl of milk. That's actually pretty disgusting, but after thinking about it, I decided that it would infact be funny to fart into a bowl of milk, I just don't think that it would make a different sound.

Danny's roommate is always talking about this girl at work that he wants to "do."
He finally brought her home last night. She was not as cute as he said she was. She looked like white trash, but uh, she works on Tinker Air Force Base sorting airplane parts. I had to have known she wasn't gonna be the playboy material Alan made her out to be.

Today, I went swimming and decided that I want to be 6 again. I feel sorry for those kids though, because in another 6 years they are going to be in Junior High and they are going to start hating their parents, doing stupid stuff, they are going to have to try to avoid smoking pot, and drinking beer, and having sex. They don't even know what's coming for them. That's the great thing though. They don't have any of that stuff to think about. Lucky asses. It would rock so hard to not have a thing in the world to worry about other than what cereal I wanted the next morning.

Welp, see ya later!

Well, I'm pretty sure that I have lost my ability to write things that people actually want to read.

I suck.

Here are some things that I know you don't want to know-- but will read anyway! Hell, you don't have shit else to do!

1. Danny is officially my boyfriend.
2. I don't have a job anymore.
3. My grandma's birthday was yesterday.
4. I want to go shopping, but something tells me that I need money in order to do that.
5. I want to work at Starbucks, but my mom said I would hate it. However, she did say that if I
worked there she could get a discount.
6. I also want to hurry up and figure out which school I am going to go to become a badass hair stylist.
7. I'm letting my hair grow out until the end of summer.
8. I haven't been to a party since Memorial weekend.
9. I have had at least one beer every day for a week.
10. I really want another rabbit like Squishy. I miss that bunny.
11. My grandpa sounds like a pirate when he laughs.


Well, this was nice. How do you feel after having just read a bunch of shit that you don't care about? You will never get this time back, ever.

Yes, I'm being smug.

Lame ass

It's official. I am a lame ass.

It's true, and I will tell you why.

Ok. So. Danny and I started talking again about five days ago. Since that day, we have hung out non-stop. Here's where my lame assness kicks in; I don't do that. I do not hang out with guys every single day in fear that I might get sick of them--which I do. However, I do not get sick of this boy. It's, like, impossible. He and I talked about this last night after a long game of Rummy with my cousin, her boyfriend, and her niece.

Here's something else lame assish of me, we looked up our horoscopes in this horoscope book that a friend (so he says) bought for him. He is a Virgo, but says that his birthday is the cut-off day right before Libra, so he's a Virgo-Libra. Got that? Ok, so we looked up what a love life between a Virgo and a Libra would be like.

We found out why we don't get sick of each other. It's cause it's impossible. It says that we get a long so well that we should move in together immediately. It also says that Libra and Virgo have the best chance for life-time love.

Yeah. I'm scared.

It went on to describe a lot of reasons why we should be together, like we're both easy going, we are nonchalant around eachother, we resolve conflicts quickly, and we are passionate. It was kind of freaky, cause we are all those things. It also gives ideas for gifts. We both like scented things because smell is a sign of passion. Apparently we're passionate. I don't know.

We stare at eachother, which is weird also. But, we can't stop. I think I'm sick.

You know you like someone when you don't have to go anywhere or do anything. We actually had a 30 minute conversation about fish and how I wanted a pink one. He went on to say that I could keep it in his fish tank and we could call it "Our pet."

That would be funny if my eyes hadn't lit up when he said that. I'm such a fag.

And the craziest thing of all is that I have found myself telling boys that call to hang out with I am with someone now. I can't even think about another guy. I don't want to think about another guy, and it has only been five days.

But then, I look back, and I realize that I liked him this much and the same exact way four years ago. So, really, we just kind of picked up where we left off.

I'm going to go now. Can you guess where I'm going? I'll give you two guesses.

1. To China.
2. To see my boy.

You're an idiot if you choose the first one.

Hey you. I have a secret. Would you like to know my secret? It will be so good to hear it--well, read it.

So, lately I have been out of my happy-go-lucky-sarcastic-yet-funny mood, and have chosen to go with a more dark-I-hate-the-world-the-sun-the-moon-and-the-stars kind of mood. It worked for a while, but now, things are just starting to come together for me.

Oh, and the secret? Well, it's that I have decided not to let anything bother me again this summer, and just go into each day with a bright sunny attitude and love everyone. I will even love my job ( that I may have already lost due to a wonderful thing called PMS) that consists of scrubbing dogs asses and getting scratched and bit on a daily basis.

I had a couple post-worthy things happen. First off, I went to Lake Texoma for Memorial Day weekend, and probably had the most fun I will have all summer long.

There's this place called The Island where everyone and his dog (seriously) spent the whole weekend. I'm talking like 3,000 people plus. There are shit tons of yachts and speed boats and hot guys and jet skies and hot guys and girls with fake boobies parading around like homosexuals on their very own special I'm-gay-and-I-like-rainbows day.

Good stuff.

So, on the last day my friends and I were there and we ran into a little trouble. And by trouble I mean, we had to make a fire and hold each other for warmth on the island.

Everyone else left the island around 6 0'clock while the sun was still out so they could see where they were going. Not us though. The people who took us out to the Island were told not to pick us up until after dark. That sucked. It was raining, it was cold, and I kept getting tackled in the water. I'm pretty sure I got whiplash, and when the boat finally arrived to pick us up (at 9:00pm) the boat didn't want to work anymore. Seriously, the boat sounded like it had to sneeze. It was ridiculous.

Luckily, the guy who was driving (the captian, in his own way) finally figured out that the boat was in shallow water and that is why it wouldn't start. Hurray for smart people.

When we finally got the boat to go, it was pouring down rain. I'm pretty sure that we could have been struck by lightning, but no one seemed to care. We wanted land, and food, and warmth. Unfortunately, when you are soaking wet and going 50 miles an hour warmth is not an option. So, all of us were literally sitting in the very back of the boat huddled up like a pack of freaking cows bitching and moaning.

The boat ride home was supposed to last only 20 minutes. Apparently when it's dark, it's a little harder to see where you are going. We were the only boat out on the lake at 9:30. At this point we all went into our own private dark place. I wanted to throw a couple people overboard just so I could have some entertainment. That's how dark I was thinking.

Finally, at friggin 12:00 AM we found our way back home. Thank god.

So, there's that story.

The second one isn't really a story, but it's sort of cool.

I'm dating someone. I have dated him before, like four years ago, but we met back up, and I like him like fat kids heart cookie dough.

And there's that.

I will post some pictures of my Memorial Day festivities pretty soon. The pictures will mostly be of drunken stupidity on other people behalf. Yay for that.