Dear Ponca City,
I only write letters on here when I really hate something. So, you should know that I really hate you. By hate I mean loathe, and by loathe I mean that if I was president, your town would be non-existant. As my friend Kyra said, "I would tear down everything there and replace it with a huge dump yard. All the towns people would be my slaves." Is that legal you wonder? Well, no. Not yet. But, when I am president I will make it so that it is. You will cry, and then you will be no longer. I especially hate the wrestling moms your town is populated with. They are loud, they are mean, and they are effing retarded. One of them yelled out, "So, I guess the Bomber Magic is gone!" I had to retaliate, Ponca, I had to. I said, "But our Magic was amazing when we beat the shit out of you at Dual state!" And you know what? I'm glad I said it. In fact, I wish my words were bombs so that your wrestling moms would JUST SHUT THE HELL UP! And what is with that one lady carrying around a massive-ass goose (a fake one, thank God) just because her son has the last name Big Goose? Does she really have to shout "Sonny!" while the rest of the crowd follows with "Big Goose" over and over and over again as she holds the goose in the air? My God, I mean, I guess its sort of clever, but all I wanted to do the whole time was steal the goose, chop its head off, and throw it back at the mom. Maybe then she would shut up. Who even names their kid Sonny? That's just wrong. The man who sat behind me joined in on the chants a lot. He sounded like the "Clear Eyes" commercial guy, which really pissed me off. If you have a mono-tone voice you just shouldn't yell. I'm making that a law when I'm president, too. I'm really glad that I don't have to be around you anymore as it is my brothers senior year, but I promise that when I'm all grows-up and I have little wrestler boys and I see you--it's effing on. I will be the bitchiest wrestling mom ever. I'm already the bitchiest sister. Imagine how I'll be when I have annoying little shits of my own (kids). And if there are little Big Gooses running around, I am kicking them. That's really all I had to say. Congratulations on winning the state tournament--NOT.
--Brittany
I only write letters on here when I really hate something. So, you should know that I really hate you. By hate I mean loathe, and by loathe I mean that if I was president, your town would be non-existant. As my friend Kyra said, "I would tear down everything there and replace it with a huge dump yard. All the towns people would be my slaves." Is that legal you wonder? Well, no. Not yet. But, when I am president I will make it so that it is. You will cry, and then you will be no longer. I especially hate the wrestling moms your town is populated with. They are loud, they are mean, and they are effing retarded. One of them yelled out, "So, I guess the Bomber Magic is gone!" I had to retaliate, Ponca, I had to. I said, "But our Magic was amazing when we beat the shit out of you at Dual state!" And you know what? I'm glad I said it. In fact, I wish my words were bombs so that your wrestling moms would JUST SHUT THE HELL UP! And what is with that one lady carrying around a massive-ass goose (a fake one, thank God) just because her son has the last name Big Goose? Does she really have to shout "Sonny!" while the rest of the crowd follows with "Big Goose" over and over and over again as she holds the goose in the air? My God, I mean, I guess its sort of clever, but all I wanted to do the whole time was steal the goose, chop its head off, and throw it back at the mom. Maybe then she would shut up. Who even names their kid Sonny? That's just wrong. The man who sat behind me joined in on the chants a lot. He sounded like the "Clear Eyes" commercial guy, which really pissed me off. If you have a mono-tone voice you just shouldn't yell. I'm making that a law when I'm president, too. I'm really glad that I don't have to be around you anymore as it is my brothers senior year, but I promise that when I'm all grows-up and I have little wrestler boys and I see you--it's effing on. I will be the bitchiest wrestling mom ever. I'm already the bitchiest sister. Imagine how I'll be when I have annoying little shits of my own (kids). And if there are little Big Gooses running around, I am kicking them. That's really all I had to say. Congratulations on winning the state tournament--NOT.
--Brittany
posted by Unknown at 7:19 PM
4 Comments:
And I thought I had alot of pent up anger.
I once stayed in the grossest hotel room in the world that just so happened to be in Ponca City. I've hated that place ever since.
Jameson,
You are from IOWA for christ's sake. You should know a thing or two about wrestling rivalries.
B- I have forwarded this letter to several wrestling mom's. You'll probably never hear the end of it.
I agree. That bird shit has either got to go or we need to think of something equally annoying to do.
Yea, I know a thing or two about them, but never once in my career did I come across some psycho ass mom waving a stuffed animal that she named her kid after around in the air while a crowd chanted the kids name.
We're not that insane. We just have the "I sucked at wrestling so I'll live through my kid Dad" who usually gets kicked out of the dual halfway through.Usually comes equipped with a mullet too.
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