When Will I Learn???
Why? Why? Why do I drink when I know that I have to work the next morning? When I was a waitress/student we all drank and went to work/class, but that was ten years ago, and I don't bounce back like I used to. Especially since I work with a bunch of REALLY LOUD (often obnoxious) firefighters. Please, god, don't tell them that I'm hung-over, or they'll make it their #1 priority of the day to make my life a living hell!
It is their fault anyway. This all started with the champagne fountain at THEIR Christmas party that I HAD to go to last night. The champagne made me forget about having to be back up here at 8am (8:25am this morning, but who's counting?) Actually, it was the champagne, that cute boy I'm seeing, and a yummy little beer called Guinness. (Do you have a drinking problem if Guinness sounds good even when you are hung over? or is Guinness just that good?) Anyhoo - don't drink pink freakin' champagne (EVER) and certainly don't chase it with four Guinness on a work night. Oh hell, and a lemon-drop shot. . . why did I have to remember that? Now my head hurts even more.
I even forgot the Hangover Prevention Plan last night. (I'm telling you the plan works; however, I am neither a doctor, nor I am endorsed by one - actually, my good buddy Kris is a doc, but I don't think he is going to sign-off on a hangover endorsement even though he has taken my advice in the past.)
Auntie T's Hangover Prevention Plan
Gather 'round children and listen to your wise old Auntie T
tell you how to make it through the holidays hangover free!
Step 1 - Regardless of what one drinks, one should drink one glass of water for every alcoholic beverage imbibed. This alone will help you avoid drinking copious amounts of alcohol, expecially if you are a female as you will spend most of your time in line for the WC.
Step 2 - Avoid shots. It is much easier to avoid them if you can develop a reputation as a person who has in the past not only refused a shot but who has actually left a purchased shot setting on the table (or given it to the cocktail waitress or a complete stranger). Once an insistant friend sees his/her money go to waste in this manner, his/her attempting to force shots upon you will greatly lessen and often cease. If you are forced into doing a shot, refer to Step 1.
Step 3 - Is there music playing? Then dance, you crazy kids, dance! Dancing is not only a great distraction, but often the offending beverages are dropped, lost, or stolen by drunken cronies while you are on the floor. (Do I have to tell you to never leave a drink setting around when you are on the dance floor? Unless your mom is with you, and she is sober and willing to keep an eye on your drink, you have to keep it in your hand, my friend.)
Step 4 - Don't be a social smoker! I know tons of people who only smoke when they drink, but this will wreak havok on your system almost guaranteeing a headache the next morning (and gross black boogers)!
Step 5 - Okay, so you've screwed the pooch on the rules and are leaving the bar hammered. You should immediately quit drinking (after-parties almost always guarantee a hangover), proceed to the nearest fast food establishment, drink a bunch of water and/or caffeinated beverages, and get some food in your belly.
Step 6 - I always take a Benedryl before I go to sleep when I've been drinking. I'm not sure what the FDA would say about it, but you will end up sleeping your ass off and usually won't wake up with a headache. (On the off chance that you wake up with a throbbing headache at 7am, drink a glass of water and take another Benedryl, it will knock you out in about 20 minutes, and you will sleep for another three hours.)
As I learned when I was in New Orleans, there are some places where none of the above apply; however, there is a handy-dandy product one can take when waking up hung-over: Alka-Seltzer Morning Relief. This stuff can fix anything. All it is is caffeine and aspirin in an easy to digest fizz that usually settles your stomach (unlike other headache meds that usually make you hurl).
I don't want to hear one word about how bad Alka-Seltzer tastes! If you can shoot Yeager Meister and Rumple Mintz, you can suck back a six ounce cup of Alka Seltzer!
It is their fault anyway. This all started with the champagne fountain at THEIR Christmas party that I HAD to go to last night. The champagne made me forget about having to be back up here at 8am (8:25am this morning, but who's counting?) Actually, it was the champagne, that cute boy I'm seeing, and a yummy little beer called Guinness. (Do you have a drinking problem if Guinness sounds good even when you are hung over? or is Guinness just that good?) Anyhoo - don't drink pink freakin' champagne (EVER) and certainly don't chase it with four Guinness on a work night. Oh hell, and a lemon-drop shot. . . why did I have to remember that? Now my head hurts even more.
I even forgot the Hangover Prevention Plan last night. (I'm telling you the plan works; however, I am neither a doctor, nor I am endorsed by one - actually, my good buddy Kris is a doc, but I don't think he is going to sign-off on a hangover endorsement even though he has taken my advice in the past.)
Auntie T's Hangover Prevention Plan
Gather 'round children and listen to your wise old Auntie T
tell you how to make it through the holidays hangover free!
Step 1 - Regardless of what one drinks, one should drink one glass of water for every alcoholic beverage imbibed. This alone will help you avoid drinking copious amounts of alcohol, expecially if you are a female as you will spend most of your time in line for the WC.
Step 2 - Avoid shots. It is much easier to avoid them if you can develop a reputation as a person who has in the past not only refused a shot but who has actually left a purchased shot setting on the table (or given it to the cocktail waitress or a complete stranger). Once an insistant friend sees his/her money go to waste in this manner, his/her attempting to force shots upon you will greatly lessen and often cease. If you are forced into doing a shot, refer to Step 1.
Step 3 - Is there music playing? Then dance, you crazy kids, dance! Dancing is not only a great distraction, but often the offending beverages are dropped, lost, or stolen by drunken cronies while you are on the floor. (Do I have to tell you to never leave a drink setting around when you are on the dance floor? Unless your mom is with you, and she is sober and willing to keep an eye on your drink, you have to keep it in your hand, my friend.)
Step 4 - Don't be a social smoker! I know tons of people who only smoke when they drink, but this will wreak havok on your system almost guaranteeing a headache the next morning (and gross black boogers)!
Step 5 - Okay, so you've screwed the pooch on the rules and are leaving the bar hammered. You should immediately quit drinking (after-parties almost always guarantee a hangover), proceed to the nearest fast food establishment, drink a bunch of water and/or caffeinated beverages, and get some food in your belly.
Step 6 - I always take a Benedryl before I go to sleep when I've been drinking. I'm not sure what the FDA would say about it, but you will end up sleeping your ass off and usually won't wake up with a headache. (On the off chance that you wake up with a throbbing headache at 7am, drink a glass of water and take another Benedryl, it will knock you out in about 20 minutes, and you will sleep for another three hours.)
As I learned when I was in New Orleans, there are some places where none of the above apply; however, there is a handy-dandy product one can take when waking up hung-over: Alka-Seltzer Morning Relief. This stuff can fix anything. All it is is caffeine and aspirin in an easy to digest fizz that usually settles your stomach (unlike other headache meds that usually make you hurl).
I don't want to hear one word about how bad Alka-Seltzer tastes! If you can shoot Yeager Meister and Rumple Mintz, you can suck back a six ounce cup of Alka Seltzer!
posted by Anonymous at 9:31 PM
4 Comments:
T-
Trying to dole out "how to avoid a hangover" advice while you are hungover yourself creates a bit of a credibility problem.
Do as Auntie T says, kids, not as she does!
I see holes in this being applicable to me in my situations.
The amount imbibed plus water would then lead to my being in the bathroom more than my dorm room.
Shots are my favorite.
You can't dance in a place the size of a large closet. We tried. It just doesn't work.
We don't have money for fancy drugs like benadryl. Someone told us to take PMS pills. I refuse to indulge in that. I would rather feel like shit that have some pill give me man-tits. I don't know if they do either, its just something I'm betting on.
For God's sake Tona you are going to have the nation's youth doped up (or down as the case may be) on liquor and benadryl, those who can afford it anyway.
I have to disagree with Auntie T; and that doesn't happen too often. Do not abuse allergy medications kids. However, if you ever have the flu and the doctor gives you medicine that makes you stop puking, it does come in handy for other kinds of nausea as well.
Shit. I misused a semi-colon in my comment above. Which reminds me...
Tona -
Did you play grammar goddess anonymously on Jameson's site (under the instant message post)? If not, there is someone out there who sounds a lot like you spouting lesser known grammar rules like nobody's business.
Post a Comment
<< Home