30 (something) going on 13

T and I were sitting at her ex-boyfriend/newfound-friend’s house Friday night. It is a long story how we ended up there, but it started with a couple of very large, very tasty Mexican import beers with extra lime and extra salt and a phone call. I might have mentioned something about missing him; give me a break, he was around for six years, and he can be damned entertaining.

Anyway, he invited us over for martinis – Oh, and by the way, could we stop by the liquor store and pick up some vodka? Since martinis consist only of vodka, olives, and a smidge of vermouth, we should have declined. But, we didn’t. We picked up the vodka and headed his way.

We gave him hell about his new mustache, which is way too long, and frankly, a little creepy. If Tona were even a little jealous (which she's not, I think...) that “stache” should calm her fears. I don’t know a girl alive who would be revved up about kissing some nice long lip hair. But hell, I haven’t been single in a long time, so what do I know; maybe kissing isn’t the idea behind it.

Ex is suddenly into fitness and ordered a workout book from “Men’s Health” which came with a couple of pamphlets full of little known facts. Did you know that when having sex with a new partner a guy should suck in his stomach when he takes off his pants to make his penis look larger? Consider that a free gift of knowledge from me to you.

But back to the main point of the story: We were sitting there having a tolerable time when Tona spotted headlights pulling up to the house. My brain was a couple of steps behind, but Tona seemed to have some instinct, or highly developed sense of smell, and knew there were girls behind those headlights.

By the time Ex’s roommate opened the front door a fraction of an inch, Tona was up and headed out of the room for her purse. She can move fast when she wants too. I sat there feeling incredibly silly as two girls, probably a decade younger than me, walked in. Ex was trying to be gracious. He introduced me to the girls - Christy and Crystal. No shit. I would make fun of them except our real names are pretty hokey when said together, so we are really in no place to judge. At least ours are not stripper names. He also introduced them to the smoke trail T left behind when she peeled out of the room as “and that was T.”

I awkwardly got up and found T gathering her things and counseled her that we would look like jackasses if we walked out right then. T, as willful as I have ever seen her, looked at me and said she didn’t care. Can’t argue with that.

We walked through a completely silent living room straight to the front door with T not saying a word or even looking up. Struggling for the right thing to do or say at that moment, I told the girls it was nice to meet, which T gigged me about endlessly on the way home.

Needless to say, I haven’t felt that boy/girl awkwardness in many, many years. One time in high school a couple of girlfriends and myself were trying to juggle two separate groups of guys from different schools. One night while we were hanging out with one group at one of my friend’s house, the other group showed up too. Fun night - there was almost a fight as I recall. Friday night I felt like a socially inept teenager. I am sure the guys would have loved it if we had just thrown down with the girls. I have a lot of pent up aggression that I could have made good use of. But alas, I was polite girl and T was the bitch, which is pretty much role reversal for us.

Good times.