Break-Up Letter
B Said:
Dear Refrigerated Box of Wine,
After much thinking today, I have realized that we should stop seeing each other. I know what you are thinking. We only hung out a couple of times and we were just getting to know each other, but it is better that we end things now. My mother does not approve.
Maybe if I wasn't my mother's daughter it would be funny that I stole her Thanksgiving wine and took it with me to a party. However, I am not Jameson, therefore, I can not get away with breaking this commandment. If I steal you again RBOW, there is a good chance that I will be crucified. I learned today, RBOW that it is a sin to get drunk off of wine. However, it's a sin to eat to the point of fullness as well. HAHA. Everyone in America sinned on Thanksgiving!! SINNERS!
1..2..3.. (deep breath) ask for forgiveness.
There was one thing that I did like about you though RBOW, and it's that when I was with you I was nice to absolutely everyone. I was even nice to people that I didn't like. I was even nice to ex-boyfriends. I would have even been nice to John Kerry had he been there, but he wasn't. I might have even been nice to Jojo too, but that's a tough call. I really hate her.
Anyway, I'm sorry it had to end this way. Though a little dry, you were still sweet. Maybe there is another chance for us down the road, like, when I'm 21 or getting married.
XoXo,
B
Mom Said:
Dear RBOW,
B is right. I do not approve. I do not approve on many levels. First of all, there is the age difference. You are too old and too experienced for her. Secondly, there is the whole sneaking around thing. You may think it is hypocritical of me to disapprove after I introduced the two of you Thanksgiving evening, but I had no idea either of you would let a short introduction develop into a relationship. Thirdly, if you run off with her, how can you be there for me when I want you? I am not the jealous or possessive type. It is just that when I leave you, I expect you to be where I put you the next time I want to visit with you.
While I disapprove, I am not sure I would go as far as calling it a "sin" for you to be together (must have been Mema's influence). However, B is right. If I catch the two of you together again without me around, she will be crucified. I'm not going to say I will never hang out with you again, but rest assured, I will put you under tighter restrictions. I do not wish to demonize you; the blame rests on B's shoulders.
It is hard for me to dislike anything that makes B a nicer person, but since you have the ability to cloud one's vision, I am not sure she can be a good judge of the effects you have on her behavior. Was she nicer to people she doesn't generally care for, or did she just not give a shit that they were around? Tell the truth. When you are with someone a lot, you have the tendency to make them not give a shit about a lot of things.
As far as this being funny, it is, a little. I won't be a downer and talk about all the ways it could be very unfunny, because I think you already know all the bad things that could arise from this unsanctioned union. Jameson amuses me because he is kind of a fictional character to me. I did not birth him, nor am I responsible for molding him into a decent human being. Besides, he is good enough to hide his indiscretions, apparently very well, from his parents.
I am sure when the circumstances are right you and B will be together again. Who knows, we might even have a girl's night out with you as the guest of honor. But for now, you are my special friend. Not my daughter's. Understood?
For the record: The box of table wine was purchased for the (almost) teetotalers at Thanksgiving. Boxed wine stays fresh a lot longer than bottled, and since we rarely drink at M & D's house it is a good choice to leave there. T and I drank a couple of good bottles of wine that day, and we had the presence of mind to take home the leftovers. Not, I might add, because we had any thoughts of thievery but because we are selfish.
Dear Refrigerated Box of Wine,
After much thinking today, I have realized that we should stop seeing each other. I know what you are thinking. We only hung out a couple of times and we were just getting to know each other, but it is better that we end things now. My mother does not approve.
Maybe if I wasn't my mother's daughter it would be funny that I stole her Thanksgiving wine and took it with me to a party. However, I am not Jameson, therefore, I can not get away with breaking this commandment. If I steal you again RBOW, there is a good chance that I will be crucified. I learned today, RBOW that it is a sin to get drunk off of wine. However, it's a sin to eat to the point of fullness as well. HAHA. Everyone in America sinned on Thanksgiving!! SINNERS!
1..2..3.. (deep breath) ask for forgiveness.
There was one thing that I did like about you though RBOW, and it's that when I was with you I was nice to absolutely everyone. I was even nice to people that I didn't like. I was even nice to ex-boyfriends. I would have even been nice to John Kerry had he been there, but he wasn't. I might have even been nice to Jojo too, but that's a tough call. I really hate her.
Anyway, I'm sorry it had to end this way. Though a little dry, you were still sweet. Maybe there is another chance for us down the road, like, when I'm 21 or getting married.
XoXo,
B
Mom Said:
Dear RBOW,
B is right. I do not approve. I do not approve on many levels. First of all, there is the age difference. You are too old and too experienced for her. Secondly, there is the whole sneaking around thing. You may think it is hypocritical of me to disapprove after I introduced the two of you Thanksgiving evening, but I had no idea either of you would let a short introduction develop into a relationship. Thirdly, if you run off with her, how can you be there for me when I want you? I am not the jealous or possessive type. It is just that when I leave you, I expect you to be where I put you the next time I want to visit with you.
While I disapprove, I am not sure I would go as far as calling it a "sin" for you to be together (must have been Mema's influence). However, B is right. If I catch the two of you together again without me around, she will be crucified. I'm not going to say I will never hang out with you again, but rest assured, I will put you under tighter restrictions. I do not wish to demonize you; the blame rests on B's shoulders.
It is hard for me to dislike anything that makes B a nicer person, but since you have the ability to cloud one's vision, I am not sure she can be a good judge of the effects you have on her behavior. Was she nicer to people she doesn't generally care for, or did she just not give a shit that they were around? Tell the truth. When you are with someone a lot, you have the tendency to make them not give a shit about a lot of things.
As far as this being funny, it is, a little. I won't be a downer and talk about all the ways it could be very unfunny, because I think you already know all the bad things that could arise from this unsanctioned union. Jameson amuses me because he is kind of a fictional character to me. I did not birth him, nor am I responsible for molding him into a decent human being. Besides, he is good enough to hide his indiscretions, apparently very well, from his parents.
I am sure when the circumstances are right you and B will be together again. Who knows, we might even have a girl's night out with you as the guest of honor. But for now, you are my special friend. Not my daughter's. Understood?
For the record: The box of table wine was purchased for the (almost) teetotalers at Thanksgiving. Boxed wine stays fresh a lot longer than bottled, and since we rarely drink at M & D's house it is a good choice to leave there. T and I drank a couple of good bottles of wine that day, and we had the presence of mind to take home the leftovers. Not, I might add, because we had any thoughts of thievery but because we are selfish.
posted by Unknown at 5:19 PM
4 Comments:
This is awesome, I get my first not-my blog post mention. Sweet.
It is kind of wierd that you mention the refrigerated box of wine though, because that was what my floor planned on buying when we have our wine night. (i.e dress up in suits and get blitzed on wine instead of cheap vodka.)
Its interesting that you get really nice to people, since i tend to be nice for about 2 glasses, then wrestle girls. as you can see from my pictures. Hey, Im trying to quit that kind of behavior as I dont think that wrestling girls is the kind of habit I want to develop.
I didn't even think of the regurgitation factor as far as staining goes. Good thinkin.
Ok. I will give you $10. At least I still have the comfort of my good old friend COBL (can of Bud Light). JUST KIDDING. At least I still have the comfort of my good old friend DP (Dr.Pepper), or at least until I'm leagal. 1yr and 10 months to go!
For my birthday I will probably get a ride to the liquor store, right?
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