Lance Thinks He's Gay..wait that came out wrong
Last night was interesting. Very interesting.
My mom, brother, and grand parents were honored with meeting Kris the Hair Stylist.
They were shocked by the way we joked around. He and I are both very sarcastic, we tend to make fun of each other and make one another feel like a retard. It’s fun. I think he did this in abundance last night though, because he was a little nervous.
He came over to do my little brother’s hair. I’m pretty sure that Lance was scared shitless. Kris kept calling him “son” and “kid.”
I think that Lance was not okay with that, although, he did laugh at everything Kris said. I think he was just being polite though, but only because my mom was around. Otherwise, I’m sure he would have been a complete ass crack. Lance doesn’t like any guy that likes me.
Kris came over in the strangest shirt he could find. I think he did it on purpose because he knew it would freak my brother out. I told him in advance that my brother would probably be unsure of a straight male hair stylist. I’m pretty sure he acted as flamboyant as possible, but it was only a joke. Yes, Jameson, it was a joke. It was not his inner gay.
Mema didn’t like his hair, and Papa thought he was straight up weird. My mom thought he acted nervous, and I could just tell that Lance was calling him gay in his head. I can picture Lance thinking, “Man, I’m bending over this sink, and this guy is behind me washing my hair for me. He has to be gay. Man this is so gay. I hope he’s not gay. My mom is gay for making me get my hair cut by a gay guy who is so gay. Why does Brittany like him, that’s so gay. Freakin’ fag. This is stupid.”
However, if he had said any of that out loud, you wouldn’t have understood a thing he said. He blurs his words together like this, “Man, Ya’re Gay. I’ate you guys. I’mona leave now, ok?”
In other news, I’m sure everyone has heard by now that Britney Spears is pregnant. Now, I don’t care who yah are. That right there is funny. I’m sorry, but I can not picture Britney Spears with a baby on her hip. I can’t picture her husband staying around to raise it either. He had his second baby 2 months before he and Britney got married, and he sure isn’t with that baby’s mama.
Wisconsin is trying to make it legal for people to shoot stray cats. I can see it now, massive groups of drunk kids with bee bee guns going cat hunting.
"Hey, dude, look at that black one. Isn't that like bad luck or something? Man, I don't want bad luck. We gotta get that mother fuc-er."
Pow.
"Shit, I missed."
Pow.
"Man, dude, you hit my dads favorite milk cow. How are we going to have cheese this week?"
There was a lady on T.V. that did not agree with this. Here's what she said in a nut shell:
"It should not be legal to shoot cats. The cat's are not the problem. The people not taking care of their cats are the problem. Shoot the people," and then her eyes watered up, "I love cats. I wouldn't want my cat to get shot, would you want your cat to get shot?"
Shut up lady. 80% of people I know hate cats. You are screwed, because the moment that law is made a law, people are coming after your cat. It's your fault too, because you made a huge deal about it. Cats are like rabbits anyway. They are horny little bastards. Hey, guys, you all have something in common with cats. I could so call you a word right now, but I wont cause I hate it. It starts with a P and ends with a Y and sometimes an IES.
Muahahahahahaah.
My mom, brother, and grand parents were honored with meeting Kris the Hair Stylist.
They were shocked by the way we joked around. He and I are both very sarcastic, we tend to make fun of each other and make one another feel like a retard. It’s fun. I think he did this in abundance last night though, because he was a little nervous.
He came over to do my little brother’s hair. I’m pretty sure that Lance was scared shitless. Kris kept calling him “son” and “kid.”
I think that Lance was not okay with that, although, he did laugh at everything Kris said. I think he was just being polite though, but only because my mom was around. Otherwise, I’m sure he would have been a complete ass crack. Lance doesn’t like any guy that likes me.
Kris came over in the strangest shirt he could find. I think he did it on purpose because he knew it would freak my brother out. I told him in advance that my brother would probably be unsure of a straight male hair stylist. I’m pretty sure he acted as flamboyant as possible, but it was only a joke. Yes, Jameson, it was a joke. It was not his inner gay.
Mema didn’t like his hair, and Papa thought he was straight up weird. My mom thought he acted nervous, and I could just tell that Lance was calling him gay in his head. I can picture Lance thinking, “Man, I’m bending over this sink, and this guy is behind me washing my hair for me. He has to be gay. Man this is so gay. I hope he’s not gay. My mom is gay for making me get my hair cut by a gay guy who is so gay. Why does Brittany like him, that’s so gay. Freakin’ fag. This is stupid.”
However, if he had said any of that out loud, you wouldn’t have understood a thing he said. He blurs his words together like this, “Man, Ya’re Gay. I’ate you guys. I’mona leave now, ok?”
In other news, I’m sure everyone has heard by now that Britney Spears is pregnant. Now, I don’t care who yah are. That right there is funny. I’m sorry, but I can not picture Britney Spears with a baby on her hip. I can’t picture her husband staying around to raise it either. He had his second baby 2 months before he and Britney got married, and he sure isn’t with that baby’s mama.
Wisconsin is trying to make it legal for people to shoot stray cats. I can see it now, massive groups of drunk kids with bee bee guns going cat hunting.
"Hey, dude, look at that black one. Isn't that like bad luck or something? Man, I don't want bad luck. We gotta get that mother fuc-er."
Pow.
"Shit, I missed."
Pow.
"Man, dude, you hit my dads favorite milk cow. How are we going to have cheese this week?"
There was a lady on T.V. that did not agree with this. Here's what she said in a nut shell:
"It should not be legal to shoot cats. The cat's are not the problem. The people not taking care of their cats are the problem. Shoot the people," and then her eyes watered up, "I love cats. I wouldn't want my cat to get shot, would you want your cat to get shot?"
Shut up lady. 80% of people I know hate cats. You are screwed, because the moment that law is made a law, people are coming after your cat. It's your fault too, because you made a huge deal about it. Cats are like rabbits anyway. They are horny little bastards. Hey, guys, you all have something in common with cats. I could so call you a word right now, but I wont cause I hate it. It starts with a P and ends with a Y and sometimes an IES.
Muahahahahahaah.
posted by Unknown at 6:52 PM
4 Comments:
Notice what word will be missing from this post-
Anyway, so everyone in your family thinks this kid is odd, except you.
Ok, have fun with that one.
And its not exactly legal in Iowa to shoot things at random, but I know plenty of people whose favorite pasttime is to go road hunting for little animals, just like cats.
You neglected to say that Kris was flying a faux-hawk (red), which I don't mind, but your brother doesn't like to have his hair cut at all, so the faux-hawk, I am sure, did not instill a lot of confidence.
Then, when Kris strapped on his "scissor holster" thirty minutes before the actual cut took place (highlighting had to be done first), Lance's quick twitch muscles started going crazy.
Poor Lance was very quiet for the whole two hour process. Like Brit said, I am sure there were a lot of things running through his mind; but to his credit, he kept his mouth shut.
When Brit brought down her leopard print hair dryer for Kris to use, even he said there was no possible way for him to look straight at that moment.
I think Lance's hair looks really good though.
Oh yea, and twice Kris invaded my personal space. Except for hugging situations etc., I am all about people keeping at least 1-2 feet away from me at all times. I was standing behind Lance seeing how the highlighting was going, and Kris came and stood entirely too close to me. I back away a little, because seriously, he was right up against my arm and inches from my face,and he moved in again. Back off, brother!
I like the guy, ok? I'm one to not give a shit what other people think, and obviously neither is he. I think he sticks to who his is as a person. I find that attractive in a guy. I'm not saying we're going to get married and have 8 kids or anything. He's my friggin' friend. However, in the mean time, he does keep me entertained because he's pretty damn funny, and I like looking at him. I think the red faux-hawk is cute.
How is it that you can only say bad things about him, mom? You didn't think he was funny? I know you had to think he was cute, because he is. There is no way to get around that one!
Oh, and good job Jameson. You didn't toss out the "F" bomb.
Damnit, he's not gay.
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